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Autism and Relationships
Challenges of NT and Autistic (or Aspergers) Relationships
There is something quite beautiful in the harmony of a NT and autistic adult partnership. All needs can be met and both parties can flourish. When circumstances naturally change over a time, usually most parties will find ways to adapt together.
This does not always happen so well in an NT/Autistic arrangement. New circumstances can bring these special relationships to their knees. They are challenging, can be damaging to both parties and can lead to catastrophic outcomes for both parties that have ripples through the wider family and friendship support network and have effects over whole generations as the relationship unravels and others are drawn in.
Separation and Children
One of the major challenges that an NT and autistic couple can face is having children. This is often where we see relationships break down irrecoverably.
Not only do the parents suffer through protracted divorce proceedings and high conflict child arrangements but the emotional cost on the mental health of all parties is immeasurable. Very little support is offered by the mainstream community who have little understanding of just how damaging it can be to live with an autistic adult or be an autistic adult in an NT intimate relationship.
The children grow up often experiencing significant emotional disruption and dis-regulation as a result of child arrangements orders prescribed by dated uneducated court professionals who fail to see the impact of children growing up with an autistic parent and fail to support the NT adult in their attempts to protect their child from emotional, physical and sometimes sexual harm.
How can we help the Neurotypical parent?
Questions such as "Are the children safe with him/her? Why can nobody see how damaging he/she is the the children, How could he/she DO this to us all? Am I going mad?, How can nobody hear me? Why does everyone think he/she is so charming and not see what I can? Am I the problem?" are all questions that can drive an NT to declining mental health if not supported with therapy and sensible education.
It is easy to see how and easy, when you understand autism, to see how invisible this type of onslaught is. These are many mental health conditions that inevitable are caused by living with an autistic adult and facing change and challenge. Among them are Cassandra Complex, Ongoing Relational Trauma Syndrome, cPTSD and psychosis.
With support, there is no need for these conditions to develop. If you are identifying with some or all of these and others, rest assured that we have a wealth of experience at helping you. You are not alone and we have a great toolkit of psychotheraputic techniques and tasks that can help you to move positively on and live with the future and all it presents to you.